So, no I’m under no mistaken impression that it’s within me personally to heal the world. I do however, feel obligated to make better my little portion of it. Starting at home.
I was reading Simple Abundance (Sarah BanBreathnach) this morning and ran across a bunch of stuff that hit home. There’s a great line to a song about our “standard of living getting stuck on survive.” That’s honestly where I’ve been at. Sarah says I’ve reached burnout. I “haven’t a clue what’s wrong or how to fix it. …When you have no strength left, you have no choice but to rely on the strength of a saner power to restore you to wholeness.” It’s past time to go to God.
She goes on to talk about how we feel as if we’re boring or losers if we’re not going 90 miles an hour. I can’t think of how many times I’ve been all but bragging about the seemingly monumental tasks ahead of me in a week. I’m so ready to move beyond that. Over the years I’ve learned to create boundaries and I’m getting more and more comfortable about living within them.
I LOVE the line she uses, “All I had may very well have been all I needed, but it certainly wasn’t all I wanted.” I’m so there!! That’s EXACTLY where I’m at. I want to grow spiritually, mentally, financially, and physically (stronger). On an intellectual level I know how to get there, but in practical application it becomes much harder. “Sometimes, despite our best efforts and positive thinking [or prayer], health, fortune, and / or peace elude us.” I still need to find at least moments of even the worst days to put a positive spin on.
I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired!! So, I’ve begun the great paper dumping of 2009 and will keep at it on and off all weekend between conference sessions and by Sunday night plan to have reduced the piles of paper around the house to fit into the small two drawer file cabinet we own. Enough already. For today at least (since I have family, flowers, general conference and ice cream) all I have is all I need.