Motherguilt Part 1

I hate it when exercise is the answer… Emily Watts

Day 9: 

Motherguilt — that nagging feeling that somehow everything that goes wrong in a family’s life is the mother’s fault.  Where does it spring from in the first place?  I don’t know, but I don’t think dads feel this way.  There’s a scripture in the Book of Mormon that has become one of my ‘unfavorite’ verses:  “Therefore, cheer up your hearts and remember that ye are free to act for yourselves — to choose the way of everlasting death or the way of life.” (2Ne10:23)

Because you don’t control the weather.  And it would be silly and counterproductive to assume guilt for something you had no control over in the first place.  Now … thank about all the things about your children that you just can’t control, and as yourself if maybe, just maybe, you’ve been carrying around some unnecessary guilt.  You might get frustrated, you might feel tired, but it’s counterproductive to assume guilt for something you had not control over in the first place.” ” When you shed the guilt, the frustration and fatigue cecome more manageable, and you start to recognize the joy that is intended to be the greatest gift of being a mother.”

Exercise #9:  Letting Go

On a piece of paper list everything that’s driving you crazy about your kids right now.  Then go down the list and for each item ask yourself, “Do I tryly have any control over this?” If the answer is no, cross it off.  Then let go of worrying about those things or feeling guilty about them, and focus your emotional energy on the items that remain on the list.

Okay, LOVE this.  I am definitely a victim of motherguilt, and the same way I’m shedding my should haves, I’m shedding my motherguilt!!

church in the winter and the afternoon schedule

Okay, so going out of doors in winter is not my thing.  Neither is afternoon church.  We share our building with another ward and flip flop meeting in the morning or afternoons.  For 2010 we meet in the afternoons.  This is the worst when I consider the first Sunday of the month (fast and testimony) where we fast for two meals and donate what we would have spent to the church to share with those in need.  The problem is when I’m not spiritually attuned, so that instead of focusing on some deep spiritual revelation, all I can think about is the fact that I’m stinkin’ hungry! LOL

I’d rather have everyone drive to my house today and we meet here.  Of course that would be terribly convenient for most days.  On the other hand, I know that if the greatest sacrifice I have to make for my faith is driving on a snowy road for 25 minutes to get to church, I should consider myself blessed.

With you

Spiritually Anchored In Unsettled Times  by Bruce C. Hafen,

Our March book group read.  Good stuff!  I wrote this on my Books I’ve Read page, but thought it worth reprinting here.

So I finished this book this morning (Jan 3) and it was harder than I thought given that it’s such a small book.  There was just so much in there! My favorite section was called “With You” “There is no greater source of inner peace than to know that our lives are acceptable to the Lord.”  ”The Atonement simply means ‘with you,’ in two senses.  First it overcomes anything that separates us from our Heavenly Father, so we can be with Him; and Christ’s Spirit can be with us — each day and forever. [If we are faithful.]  Second, only through the Atonement can we be with our family members and friends forever.  No longing is deeper than our hunger to be with those we love.”

One Big Cookie

Day 8:  One Big Cookie

I’m just saying that if you look closely at some of your assumptions, they might turn out to be as ridiculous as the thought that you might split one cookie four ways.  Try it and see.

Exercise 8:  Rethinking Assumptions

The next time you catch yourself feeling badly about the way you’ve been treated, take a minute to check your assumptions.  Maybe you’ve misinterpreted someone’s actions or intentions.  What would be different if you assumed instead that the person adored you and would be horrified to think he or she had upset you?  Bonus Exercise:  Next time you’re ready to give up on something because it’s just too hard, rethink your assumptions.  You may not be failing at all, just slowing in your forward progress for a bit.  Keep trying!

So this is an exercise I’ve been trying for years.  I am horrible with assumptions.  Often believing the worst about myself and others.  I am improving however.  I give others the benefit of the doubt and consider that I’ve misinterpreted their actions or intentions.  I’m not great at it yet.  But I’m better.

Fat Boys

Day 7:  Fat Boys An Exercise In Understanding Men

Emily quotes this great scene from Harry Potter where Hermione is explaining to Harry and Ron why Cho is feeling conflicted given all that’s gone on with Cedric dying and her feelings for Harry.  She gets to the end and Ron says, “One person can’t feel all that at once, they’d explode.”

Exercise 7:  Understanding Men

The next time you’re frustrated because you don’t seem to be getting a response from the man in your life, remind yourself that he’s not being deliberately obtuse.  It’s just the way he’s wired.  Communicate your needs clearly and directly, and don’t forget to express gratitude when they are met.

I think there are times when tension over a subject with my beloved could be alleviated simply by the expedient of communicating my needs clearly and directly.  I also think there are times when I don’t know how to do this exactly.  Kinda tough to blame him for not getting something I can’t even figure out.  So I’m going to make sure I try harder to be clear and direct with my needs (and wants!), and certainly be

should have

so I was just over at Andrea Lampman’s blog (Scout) and she asked this terrific question, so I had to share,

“What one thing are you going to let yourself off the hook for this year?”

I’ll have to give this some real thought.  I’m thinking it may have to be letting myself off the hook for the “should haves.” They’re unproductive and I think a perfect thing to let go of.  Listen up world — I am choosing right now to let myself off the hook for what I should have done and just focus on what I WILL do.  Yeah, I said it.  Now what am I gonna do about it?  We’ll see…

For Mrs. Silcox, Wherever You Are

For Mrs. Silcox, Wherever you are:

… thanks to… a whole host of teachers who see children as individuals and nurture their uniqueness and help them discover their competence.  Thank you, youth leaders who show up prepared week after week, even when a lot of times just one child comes to class.  Thank you to the organist and chorister who led us in singing a hymn that answered a question my heart was asking.  Thank you to the poet who wrote the words to the hymn, and to the people who put it in the hymnbook, and… you get the idea.  What you do matters.  It does.

Exercise 6:  Returning Thanks

Write a thank you note for even an email to someone this week.  Tell the person specifically what he or she did that made a difference to you.

Okay, off to do this now so that I don’t put it off and forget.  I don’t send nearly enough of these!

new year’s resolutions…

2009 New Year’s Resolutions

• Lose 25 pounds
• Exercise at least three times a week
• Read more serious literature
• Bring my lunch to work

allproactive.com image

I’m not a huge fan of them these days.   Mostly because I hate when March comes and I realize I haven’t exercised, I’ve continued to eat whatever I wanted and I haven’t read my scriptures other than on Sunday.

On the other hand, in 2010 I do NOT resolve to:

Lose 25 pounds. When I do resolve to lose weight I don’t. So if I don’t, maybe I will.

Quit smoking. Why should I? I don’t smoke.

Stop watching Twilight and New Moon. We all need a little fun in our lives.

Become a vegetarian. Eeuw.

Finish reading War and Peace. This one’s easy since I haven’t even started it.

Eat light cheese. I love heavy cheese. I’d rather gain weight.

Stop traveling. I will never do that. Sooooo not happening.

Floss more. I always resolve this and it rarely happens daily.  See exercise above.

Sleep eight hours. So much to do, so little time.  When I do have time, I’ll sleep MORE than 8 hours.

Drink eight glasses of water. What’s so special about the number eight anyway?

On the other hand, my buddy Ang offered to help me with my debt diet.  This I couldn’t pass up.  She’s my  new accountability partner, and while I have decided I’m NOT going to blog about this in detail (although she’s recommending several sites that do) I AM going to keep my monthly appointment with her.   Just knowing we were going to go over things today, had me updating my spreadsheet, so this will be a good thing.  New Year and I am resolved to get out from under and build an inheritance.  Not that I mean I’m going to bank millions to leave for my progeny, but more that I want to leave them with a right attitude about money (saving, spending and sharing it).

portsmouth in winter

is a thing of beauty.  I wish the weather had cooperated just a bit more so that I could have gotten more photos…

The Tax Return

The Tax Return:

When things are hard, or scary, or just plain annoying, the first thing I like to do is say, “Is this really as bad as it seems?”  ”…this challenge isn’t really as big as it feels.  It’s just closer to my heart right now than other things.”  ”Earth has no sorrow that heav’n cannot heal.”

Exercise #5 Understanding Perspective:

Pick a tree, or a building or something else in the distance that you know is large.  Close one eye and hold your thumb up to the open eye in such a way as to block that large item from your view.  Is your thumb as big as a tree?  Of Course not silly!  Now think of some eternal blessing you hope one day to receive.  Put all your mortal challenges between you and that blessing in your mind, and say to each trial, “You’re no bigger than my thumb.”  See how perspective works?

This was really good to think about as I went over our budget again and then thought about the command to not be subject to debt!  I think I’ll print my thumb picture and hang it around as a reminder…